For all you dog owners,
These are your dogs, and
this is what they are thinking!
You see, my FUR keeps me warm.
Your sweaters only serve to insult me.
When I say "woof," I mean "I hate you."
If the choice is between prison and playing dress up with you,
I choose prison.
As if it wasn't hard enough being called a 'b*tch' all the time;
now you dress me up as an old drunken hooker.
If you think I won't eat you when you die,
you're dead wrong.
Though I have provided all the evidence in the world,
perhaps I should take this time to state a certain fact explicitly:
I am a dog.
I am NOT a CHILD.
As you must be retarded,
I'll cut you some slack.
If you wanted a bunny, why didn't you just buy one?
You'll rue the day you did this to me lady.
Please remind me why I'm supposed to love you.
I give you everything I have to give and you still wish I was a Dalmatian...
I wish your husband had taken me with him when he left.
If I had hands I'd strangle you.
I suppose it could have been worse.
You could've put me in a hair net so I'd look exactly like you do in the mornings.
Oh... wait... you did.
What is wrong with you. Seriously.
Did you not get enough love as a child?
Is your world so completely devoid of meaning that you think
dressing me as a flower is a form of care taking?
I hope the house gets burgled tonight!>
If only Moses would have left in that 11th Commandment:
Thou shall not desecrate one's pet.
Remember this moment when I pee on your Persian rug tonight.
Maybe its me, I'm a little messed up maybe. But I'm funny how?
I mean, funny, like I'm a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh?
I'm here to amuse you? Whaddya mean funny? Funny how?
How am I funny?
What am I wearing? Am I a picnic table? or a waitress?
I wonder how many of these I have to slip into her water to end the torment.
Could someone out there please have my owner put to sleep?
Very phuny. You come up with this all by yourself?
Look, I'm barely a dog.
I have enough identity issues
without you dressing me up as a cheetah.
Even us dogs won't make jokes this obvious.
Dang it. How am I going to get a girl
when I look like I'm being strangled by a cartoon cat?
You are ruining what self-esteem I have left.
And I thought the bunny suit was bad... What am I now?
A Dogglebee? Please, Please STOP!!!
You're going to embalm me when I'm dead, aren't you?
Music: Hang on Sloopy