Dear God:

Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be
a good dog (you know I have been guilty of these before):

  1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food.

  4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

5. The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom
and Dad's laps.

6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.


7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.

9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.


10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch
is not an acceptable way of saying 'hello.'

11. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up
when I'm lying under the coffee table.

12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur
before entering the house.

  13. I will not throw up in the car.

14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.

16. The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

And God I was wondering about some other things:

Dear God:
Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom,
if ever, smell one another?

Dear God:
When we get to heaven, can we sit on your
couch...or is it going to be the same old story?

Dear God:
Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the
cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and
the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How
often do you see a cougar riding around? We
dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to
rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear God:
When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles

Dear God:
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no
human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God:
We dogs can understand human verbal
instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns,
clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic
energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do
humans understand? 

  Dear God:
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God:
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God:
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are,
will I have to apologize?



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