In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah,
who was now living in the United States, and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over
-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."
"Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing
along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will
start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah
weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
"Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain!
Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."
"I needed a building permit."
"I've been arguing with the inspector
about the need for a sprinkler system."
"My neighbors claim that I've violated the
neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my
yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to
go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision."
"Then the Department of Transportation demanded a
bond be posted for the future costs of moving power
lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the
passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them
that the sea would be coming to us, but they would
hear nothing of it."
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban
on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl."
"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I
needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!"
"When I started gathering the animals, an animal
rights group sued me. They insisted that I was
confining wild animals against their will. They
argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and
it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in
a confined space."
"Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark
until they'd conducted an environmental impact study
on your proposed flood."
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the
Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm
supposed to hire for my building crew."
"Immigration and Naturalization are checking the
green-card status of most of the people who want to work."
"The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They
insist I have to hire only Union workers with
"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,
claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally
with endangered species."
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10
years for me to finish this Ark."
"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,
and a rainbow stretched across the sky."
Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord.
"The GOVERNMENT beat me to it."